Add to Cart: What Kids Actually Need to Be Independent

Part 1 of a 2-Part Series

It’s Back to School time

You know what that means! Round-ups of “everything your kid needs to have a fun and successful year at school.” In this version of Add to Cart, I wanted to focus on something a little different—what you can use to increase your child’s independence, specifically the independence needed between the hours of home from school and dinnertime.

This is the first of a two-part series on fostering independence. Admittedly I tried combining everything into one newsletter, and after drafting it for multiple days attempting to edit it down in a way that was concise (i.e. short) I realized I just couldn’t. Over the years I have found that this is one of the most popular topics that families inquire about, so I am going to give it the space it is due. This version will specifically focus on recommendations, while the second part will address use and implementation.

Quality time with loved ones at the end of a school day is vital. Kids need to co-regulate with their caregivers and process all the events of their day. After that though, grown ups have a lot more left to do—work, laundry, prepping dinner, running errands, and *gasp* taking care of their owns needs.

Routines are very good for our brains, because repeating the same tasks in the same order helps us to create internal rhythms. Lullabies, which have repetitive musical structures, are regulating in the same way. (It’s also why we all love watching the videos of people unloading, cleaning, and organizing their groceries)

Repetition and routine are the foundation for independence.

Remember, repetition leads to mastery! I have discussed this previously within the context of play, but let’s reframe. When you begin a new routine, let’s say it’s baking bread, it takes a lot of focus. Do I have all of my ingredients? What about my kitchen tools? It says to sift the flour, but do I actually have to sift the flour…can I just use a whisk instead? Wow, that’s a lot of steps. Oh no, was I supposed to do that first? Phew, it’s finally in the oven. You’re sequencing and prioritizing, identifying key information, self-monitoring, problem solving, and managing time—which are areas of executive functioning.

But the more you repeat the bread making process, the easier it gets. You figure out the kinks, you decide if it’s actually the recipe you want to use, and eventually you commit it to memory and it becomes so second nature that you can shift your energy and focus to new information while baking.

It’s the same with an after school routine. The difference is that you’re leading the routine, but your child is the one carrying it out, which entails making a solid plan and sticking to it. From what I have observed this is the hardest part for parents—everyone is exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of the day and it’s very easy to give into the chaos, but persistence in carrying out routines is ultimately what is going to teach your kids to take care of themselves.

For the routine to be successful, you will need a predictable and reliable system.

If you’ve ever visited a classroom, no matter the students’ ages, you know well and good that they are open spaces containing multiple systems. What ties all of these systems together is that everything has a home; for instance, books live in the class library, writing utensils remain in a caddy in the middle of a table, and personal items reside in a locker.

In order for your kids to be able to access what they need on their own, everything needs a “home” within the home environment too. And an important note! That item’s home needs to remain the same as often as possible. I will again revisit the idea of object permanence—I know, I talk about this a lot—but when something is usually in one place and then all of a sudden it’s not in that place anymore, kids will have a really hard time problem solving other possibilities of where it could live. In fact, being able to “logically identify alternative places a missing object could be” is such an important milestone and life skill, that I evaluate it during developmental assessments.

Reliable systems are especially important, because here is what is coming home to you in a backpack on any given day:

• your child’s lunchbox with only half of its food eaten because they didn’t like what you packed as much as their friends’ lunches, so they just ate all the snacks

• a ziplock baggie full of books to read and a reading log to fill out

• folders with various worksheets inside

• multiple used bandaids

• a really dirty sweatshirt

• the space where your kid’s water bottle was supposed to be but it got left behind

• someone else’s stuffy

And now you’ve gotta help your child sift through this stuff to find that day’s homework assignments without losing anything and while also getting all the work done. Let’s keep this freshly in our minds as we build the ULTIMATE. HOME. SYSTEM!!! (SYSTEM…SYSTEM…SYSTEM…my apologies, it’s really hard to convey an echo through Substack)

THE ULTIMATE HOME SYSTEM

that can also be used for toys, not just homework! stay tuned for part 2!!

Do you see how I organized everything by category? Very mindful.

It includes:

A cart:

• Large white rolling cart with bins and cups

• 3-tiered rolling cart that comes in nine colors

• The famous $28 ikea rolling cart

With bins and file holders:

• Collapsible HAY bins made from recycled plastic

• Wavy translucent file holders

• Colorful magazine/file organizers that can connect to each other

• Large wire bins that come in five different colors

And/or storage baskets:

• Scalloped rattan baskets with green or blue piping, set of 2

• Flexible basket with handles that comes in four different colors ($7.99 each!)

• Vegan leather storage boxes with handles

• Quilted floral baskets with handles

And in addition to the books and homework folders, your system needs:

Sensory tools and fidgets for brain breaks

• Pencil grips to help with handwriting and combat fatigue

• Playdoh

• Theraputty (NOT slime!)

• Fidget rings

• Dimpl (various sizes available)

• Gum

• Kinetic sand

Graphic organizers and time management tools

From top left to bottom right:

• Daily planner to-do list

• Rifle Paper Co. cheese calendar—this has been added to my personal cart :)

• Weekly planner desk pad

• Perpetual wall calendar via MoMA store

• Daisy weekly planner with three-hole punch

• Rifle Paper Co. annual desk planner

• Time timer

• Lined to do list post-it notes

And fun-to-use writing utensils

From top left to bottom right:

• Yoobi color block click pens

• le pen x ban.do 10-pack

• Yoobi click pens with encouraging sayings

• Striped pencil pouch (also comes in purple/blue and pink/orange)

• Ooly scented mini highlighters

• Uniball click pens

• Bic mechanical pencils (the BEST hands down, you can’t convince me otherwise)

• NYC Department of Sanitation—yes, for real they have merch—pencil cup

In Part 2 I will share how to assemble and implement a plan for ensuring your system bolsters independence. Ready for your exit ticket?

Assemble everything you want to include in your system so that when Part 2 drops you can get right to work.

This content may contain affiliate links. When you click and shop the links, I could earn qualifying commission.