Am I Raising a Child Who is Grateful?
Time to Fill, Time to Kill, Kill for Time: Gratitude Edition
In this edition of Time to Fill, Time to Kill, Kill for Time I would like to focus on gratitude. Another topic akin to How do I make sure I'm raising a "good kid?" that is important, albeit nerve-wracking: Am I raising a child who is grateful for what they have?
Well, what does it mean to be grateful within your family, classroom, or community?
I feel thankful for the good things in my life
I am aware of what I have and what others may lack in comparison
I recognize that I have been given unique or special opportunities
I show kindness because I am thankful for the kindness bestowed to me
I realize how lucky I am
Or possibly something else completely.
I believe some kids feel gratitude innately, because they are naturally empathetic and make connections between themselves and the world. When this is less natural, children can appear spoiled and entitled even if that is not their intention. Some kids unfortunately just act spoiled and entitled. In early developmental stages we can all be egocentric, or only thinking about meeting our own needs and thinking our ideas are the most important. These children will need gratitude to be modeled overtly through both language and actions.
Communal traditions or tenets of charity, giving, and service have the capability of providing a framework for gratitude as well. If you feel like you belong to a community that centers gratitude, then I would absolutely lean into those traditions. You’re very lucky! Use it as your cornerstone. If you are looking for additional guidance, here are three ways you can integrate gratitude into your day-to-day.
Time to Fill
One way to fill your child’s time learning about gratitude is through volunteering or raising donations for specific charitable organizations. Time Magazine published an online article last year citing research that showed children are, “34% more likely to be in excellent or good health, 66% more likely to be considered ‘flourishing’ (a positive measure of overall well-being), and 35% less likely to have behavioral problems” when they are volunteering or participating in meaningful community service with a group. The research also showed that children older than 12 years of age were 25% less likely to present with anxiety, as compared to their peers who do not volunteer.1
Let’s break down why a little bit, shall we? When we are helping others, it gives us a sense of purpose and value. We also feel connected to members of our family and/or community, be it the people we are volunteering with or those we are aiding in our service. In those moments of connection, we can begin to compare our own lives with those of others who may not have what we do—an intact family, a warm home to live in, predictable meals, etc. For teens and young adults who are experiencing alarming rates of anxiety as a result of social media, it is a productive way for them to remain grounded in reality. How could I be so obsessed with what my friends bought last week when I just served someone dinner who hasn’t eaten a hot meal in three days?
For very young children, it is valuable to model these connections through reflective conversations after completing an act of service. So we could say something like, “Wow, I feel so lucky that we can walk into a store and buy whatever we want to eat, do you agree or disagree?” or “How do you feel after that experience? I feel really good that we were able to help people today.”
Time to Kill
If you only have a little time to kill, I would suggest spending 5-10 minutes every day filling out a gratitude journal as a part of your afternoon or evening routine. BestSelf makes a fun and highly engaging version. I actually use this journal at work throughout the year in my social skills curriculum, because visually it is so well thought out. Here’s an example of one of their graphic organizers:
Similarly to the conversation starters mentioned above, these journal prompts are helpful tools for fostering meaningful and necessary conversations with our children no matter their age. I linked this journal as well as other options and a few related books to a shelf called Teaching Gratitude over on ShopMy.
Kill for Time
If you’re hard pressed to find even five minutes consistently, I would simplify the volunteer process and pool money weekly, such as collecting change in a box or jar. Together you can then decide on a charitable donation for your funds. Actually, a fun random fact I learned via Reddit is that a Solo cup can hold exactly 100 quarters! You can also collect your change in an old coffee can or Tupperware.
Need help deciding who you want to give your money to? Charity Navigator is a wonderful online resource for finding reputable organizations. It provides a full audit of the company—from executive’s salaries to how much they’ve paid in yearly taxes—for some transparency of where your donation money is going. You can then do a deeper dive into how they use donation funds on your own (great modeling of compare and contrast skills!). While pouring your spare change into a container each week, it’s easy to model gratitude in conversations about the importance of collecting money and who you are going to be helping.
Have you ever volunteered or collected donations with your kids? Would love to hear more about your experiences and any tips.
https://time.com/6283458/volunteering-good-for-kids-health/