She Filled an Empty Mailbox and Her Nephew's Heart
Building connection through a love of mail from NY to FL and back again
Over appetizers on a random chilly Tuesday evening I first learned that my friend Traci decided on a whim to start mailing handwritten letters and drawings to her nephew, Theo. Smash cut to me sitting with a notebook, planning out my summer series about mail and letters, when I thought to text Traci about sharing her endeavor here on The Childhood Curator. Needless to say, I got an immediate “yes!” back. This project is exactly the type of activity I love curating for my newsletters—it’s simultaneously simple, joyful, meaningful, and supportive of a child’s language development. I hope you enjoy learning more about all the effort and love that she has put into it.
Important Disclaimer: Traci and her sister, Theo’s Mom, have consented to the sharing of names in this interview, as well as any images shown alongside our conversation.
Why don’t we start with a brief history of these letters—how did you come up with this?
Traci: So as you know, I live far away from my nephew, Theo. I’m in New York City and he’s down in Boca [Raton, Florida]. I try to see him every chance I get, but months can go by when I don’t get down there. I was trying to think of a way to stay in touch with him that was different than a FaceTime call, which we do every day.
On one of our FaceTime calls, I watched Theo get really excited to go to the mailbox and then over time it became kind of a tradition during our chats. ”Mail” was actually one of his first words, and we all also noticed he had started saying “empty” over and over when he saw nothing had been delivered.
For his first birthday, a friend got him a little playhouse that has a mail drop attached, and he loves pretending to check the mail all the time. He’ll also play this game with me where he looks into that mailbox and imagines different people sent him mail, like my dad, who he calls Papa, or his uncle Bob. Because “mail” and “empty” were words he understood and said early on, [I could tell] the game was really fun and exciting for him.
Then one day I was thinking about his love of mail, and I got so sad when I realized no one ever sends this baby mail so he never gets the full “mail experience”. Plus, who writes mail anymore–it's a lost art!! So I thought, what if I made the mail experience something special for him?1
Tell me about the process. Like how do you decide on themes? Is there a larger narrative that you've planned out? I know that you love to write, so I'm curious how far ahead you’ve thought about this.
Traci: The first delivery was just a drawing and a related story. I honestly didn’t have much planned out. I wanted it to be something he would understand and get excited about, so I started with a duck (because he's also obsessed with the ducks all around his neighborhood).
I always name the character in the drawing and hand-write the letters, which tell a story about the drawing. I try to do something [descriptive] in every story, like “ducks waddle on two feet through the grass, and they play in the pond.” I also include a little joke, as well as an “easter egg” of what the next drawing is going to be. I guess that’s when I started planning further ahead. Obviously he's not going to get it yet, but my sister and brother-in-law enjoy it. I sign each letter, “Aunt TT,” which is what he calls me. I think over the past year, as he gets older, he's enjoying it more, because he's into stories and understands more words now (he turned two in June).
Jennifer: And he’s probably retaining memories a bit better too. Is there somewhere your sister keeps all of these letters?
T: So I think at first, she thought this was gonna be a one-off thing, but then I ended writing about two per month. So of course, she’s like oh my…so this is a thing. [Editor’s Note: For the record, she loves it].
T: My sister put them all in a binder and made this really cute cover with the title, “Theo and Friends,” written and illustrated by Aunt TT. Each page is the picture I drew and the corresponding story. When you flip through it, you can see all of the stories are related to each other.
J: In some ways I guess it's almost like his own little short story book? But instead it's written in letter form and tied to a central theme—Theo.
T: Yes, exactly! The central theme is Theo, because it's all the things he loves and it always ties back to him.
J: I'm sure as he gets older, he'll come to recognize and appreciate that part of it a little bit more. Make the connection between Oh, I love all of these things and she's thinking about me, I feel so special.
T: I really hope so!. And as he gets older too, it's getting easier because he likes more and more things. Like right now, he loves butterflies, frogs, slides, and swings.
You know, a year ago when I started, it was hard because he really only knew like five words. I probably started a little too soon but—
J: No, I don't think so. If anything, it probably helped him pay attention to what he loves and to express his passions a little more freely, because you were connected to him in a way that his brain wasn't processing yet. It’s the metacognitive part of language where he's realizing, Oh, people think about me and they know my thoughts. I have thoughts.
T: Oh, I love that. I hope that's what was happening. I mean, I think he's very smart!
What have your parents’ reactions been to this? Do they want in on it or are they letting you take sole ownership?
T: Oh yeah, they’re definitely like “you got this.” It's funny because [most of] the rest of Theo’s family lives locally. This was born out of the idea of I live so far, I want him to know who I am. My parents love seeing him open the mail and hear the letter being read. They go through the book with him. They think it's amazing, but they are also okay not to partake.
J: They're happy you've taken the lead.
T: They are definitely happy to let me do this for Theo.
J: Let's say someone reads this, they’re a sibling or a parent or maybe even a family friend. They get inspired to write something similar, but they’re worried about taking it on. “Oh I can’t do that, it would take forever” or “I’m not creative enough.” What advice do you have for that person?
T: If you don't have any desire to try drawing (and coloring and sometimes adding glitter), you can always just buy a little toy or item that matches. For instance, I wrote a story about fish, and I found a little sticker book of fish. The drawing part takes more time for me than the story, so if you have the patience to write the short story, incorporating a small related gift can be really fun.
J: Oh that’s a great idea, and an option that you can do pretty inexpensively too if you can’t put in the time to draw or don’t want to. Time is money after all.
What has been challenging, and how do you stay motivated to keep it all going?
T: Great question. Um, what's challenging is…I don't [innately know how to] draw. Every time I make a new character and letter combo, the story is so fun and easy, and then comes the drawing part. Not gonna lie, it makes me a bit anxious. I sit down with a how-to Youtube video and physically drawing it takes me a while. Ironically it's also the most rewarding; I’m pushing myself to do something I don't usually do. The writing comes pretty naturally.
J: Actually, before you continue with that thought, I want to know if the creative part, the drawing, ever leads the story? Do you ever think, "I want to include this thing that he loves, but I can't draw it”?
T: 100%. If I can't figure how to easily draw a school bus or a fish or whatever it is, I’ll move on to something else and write the story to the drawing.
I think about that when I write the previous story, because like I mentioned, there’s a hint for what's next in each letter. So one time I drew a dinosaur, and I momentarily thought about mentioning some type of truck in the letter and making that the easter egg. Give it a Jurassic Park vibe, you know? Uhh, nope! I decided instead the next one would be bumblebees–something I could easily draw–so I incorporated bees in the story instead. So yes, that definitely drives it.
J: And you’re able to stay motivated because you know he likes it?
T: It's easy to stay motivated for him. Sometimes there are lulls, and I feel like because he's so little he doesn't realize it yet. When he gets a little older I know I’ll have to make sure I stay on a more regular schedule.
J: Honestly kids his age tend not to realize, because they don’t understand the steps of a process and they can’t tell time well yet. The lull could end up being a good indicator of him recognizing a break in the pattern. Like, oh wait this thing that was coming every once in a while stopped and now I have to ask for it.
T: Right, waiting. Patience. Two year olds don’t like that very much. [laughs]
J: [laughs] Nope. No they do not. Something I’ve mentioned in my other newsletters about mail is this exact idea of natural processing time related to the mail. We don't get to experience it much anymore because everything is so automatic.
T: I thought about that from the beginning. I [purposefully] write out the story with a pen and/or a pencil–a departure from all the screens he’s destined to have in his life. I wanted to give him an experience that could have been done 50 years ago. Really 100 years ago.
I used to love watching my teachers write things out. You know those big lined papers that had dotted lines? They always had such good handwriting; I would watch them, and I thought it was so cool. It made me want to be a better writer.
You said that you watch Theo getting the letters on FaceTime. What is his response usually? Is it the same every time now that he's into the routine? Does he ask when he sees you?
T: I always ask my sister and brother-in-law, “Did the mail come??? Did you get the mail???? FaceTime me if you see something from me!!”
At this point when he sees them holding any envelope he’ll say, “TT mail? Mail?” They’ll open the package and hand him the picture, which he usually crunches a little bit because it's paper and he's a baby. They realize how important it is to teach him how to be gentle with it, so he can actually look at it and save it for later. After he glances at the picture he now knows there’s also a story, so he takes the letter to his mom (my sister) or dad to ask them to read it. Obviously, in the beginning that wasn't happening, but now he understands the routine and we all see how excited he gets. My brother-in-law usually ends up reading the story with fun voices and a lot of excitement—I’m thinking he likes the letters and drawings as much as Theo.
J: That’s so sweet! Do you mind setting the scene for us a little more, is he looking at the letter as your sister's reading it? Or is he looking at the picture and listening to the story?
T: Right now he's very much looking at and running around with the drawing. My hope is that I do this long enough that I can write a simple story he will be able to read and understand on his own.
J: Oh that is such a great goal. We personally have not talked about that yet, but I love that as a goal.
T: I think that would be really fun. I love the written word, and I want to share that with him. Nobody else in my family is going to do something like that, so it's a really good opportunity for me to provide that for him. And to keep that connection with him.
What do you want Theo to take away from this experience when he's older?
T: Selfishly I want him to look back at these letters and remember this person loved me so much and cared about me so much that she was willing to do this. She made sure I got something fun. I would have loved to look back on something from a relative and know they were thinking about me. I was very important in their life and this proves it. On top of that, I would want it to spark fun memories of loving letters and mail. It’ll be a nice story for him to tell.
Hopefully in 15 years we’ll still be super close. I’ll be his long-distance aunt in New York who he loves being in touch with through the mail (and hopefully frequent FaceTimes and visits!). Just because I live far away doesn't mean he's not always on my mind.
J: When we've talked about this notebook of letters before, it always makes me think of all the keepsakes our parents held onto for us over the years, like our schoolwork, books, and photo albums. This is such a nice addition to that collection for him, and you're right that so much for him is going to be electronic. He'll have to go into a hard drive to find so many memories, and they won’t be tangible or sitting on a shelf. This, on the other hand, could live with him forever.
T: Exactly.
J: It’s gonna be so memorable to him, and I'm sure one day he'll want to show his own kids.
T: Yeah, I hope so. That's the ultimate goal. My mom always made amazing photo albumsI have probably 15 to 20 of them. Like, she worked her butt off on those. They're unbelievable.
J: Remind me, she's a scrapbooker right?
T: Yes!
J: Okay I thought so.
T: Spent so much money and time on scrapbooking. My sister makes printed books on [photo websites] which are also really nice, but my mom was sitting there cutting things out for hours. They were made with so much love.
J: Seeing those scrapbooks since you were little, it seems as if projects like this are naturally a part of life for you. It's not really surprising that this idea for themed letters came to mind.
Traci: That’s such a good take, you’re right. I’ve also always been interested in writing children’s books, so this is a tiny foray into that. However, I see this as a creative outlet just for us. Just for me and Theo. I can do whatever I want, and it’s nice to have some autonomy over what I’m doing.
If there's one day in the future that I live closer to him or something, I actually don't see this stopping because I just really love it. As he gets older, I think he'll appreciate it more.
Jennifer: I completely agree. I think he’ll always cherish them.
NOTE: Traci and I would absolutely love for people to read this newsletter and start writing letters of their own. Please keep in mind that this idea came directly from her and should be credited appropriately if you decide to create and share your own in any public forum [social media, etc.]